In my life, which has neither been that long nor speckled with any momentous achievements, I've come to learn to apply a crude sorting algorithm on all things that live and breathe and cross my path. In no way are the results of the sorting process rigidly dichotomized or even conclusive, there's room for greys and other colors too. The sort is just a simple assessment that doesn't prejudice me towards any individual in particular. It has so far proven to be a pretty decent work-around for chugging along through life without anything or anyone having very much of an impact, except in the case of those that truly matter. And that's how it ought to be. Though, not a silver bullet, let me get on with my prolific essay on my personal codification of the human kind.I look at all the people around and don't necessarily see a crowd, I see them as assorted elements of a very decent but really huge list. And then I apply my sorting algorithm to coerce them into some canonical form. Very scientific ? Lets see how and what conditions I would use to sort this motley bunch and what scientific reasoning, if any, I do apply.
There are the clingers, whiners, faraways, windbags and the unfortunate deadly fatheads. Anyone outside these constraints are pretty normal in my books. But, so are the 5 types above except, my sorting algorithm is biased to ensure they belong in the X-Files in my archives.
The clingers: Talk a lot, never leave or let go of their audience/hosts. Be warned, these folks usually have lots of free time and no one else to bank on either. However much you try to extricate yourself from them, the generous out pour untiringly persists.If you happen to be the quiet and indulgent listener, you've probably earned yourself a new best friend for life. You are also likely to come across several deja vu moments, where a certain trait, word or an attribute so strangely familiar to you seems to be taking shape in them. And, one fine day you wake up, look at yourself in the mirror and scream in shock at the possibility of slowly & steadily getting cloned over harmless cups of coffee with this individual you've been kind to. The clingers aren't the bad sorts really, though, they do tend to demand your rapt attention, endurance and time. After all that, I don't feel very certain about the endowment, intellectually or emotionally. On the other hand, you may end up feeling a tinge of guilt for the fear of hurting them. Worth it ? Not so sure. Let 'em be ? I think so. Deaf ear ? Definitely !
The whiners: Oh those whiners ! I am certain your gray cells are already working hard trying to recollect that name in the back of your head - from school or college, a neighbor perhaps or a colleague maybe ? Yes, when the world seems just fine, the sky is that perfect blue, the sun shines and its spring time, trust a whiner come along cast a wintry spell. Ask a known whiner - "Whats up?" or worse "Whats wrong ? " and throw open the floodgates. They whine about everything, from their jobs, money, people, relationships, the food and even the air they breath. Now who's going to tell them that it ain't the best way to solve a problem.
The Faraways: .Yeah, they just lost me or did I lose them ? Nothing, nowhere, noone are adequate descriptions of their thoughts according to them. They appear lost to me or perhaps its genius that I fail to see.
The Windbags: They are an imperious lot ! And I am not being judgmental here. Every strategy of trying to approach them and conversing with them is an uphill job. They appear to know everything about everything there ever was or even that which wasn't. I once had the privilege of acquaintance with a rather curious and self-confessed polymath who could challenge a physicist, lawyer, musician, accountant, doctor, a gambler even, at their own game. He was fine perhaps.I felt like I didn't have the adequate proficiency or the intellectual ability to absorb so much on the account of being starved of such varied education. This is when I could fully understand a certain feeling called deprivation! Again, we read and absorb information of varied nature and diverse fields, we opine and have the freedom to opine. Do we command mastery ? Ask the windbag !
The Fatheads: I totally dread this last variety because I always feel like they feign the stupidity. C'mon, its hard to believe that the powers that be would mete out such grave injustice on a thus-far-known most evolved species. Unless they are better defined as an alien lot, at least then the utter and complete communication breakdown is justifiable. I am often told that its innocence, but kids are innocent too & they ain't stupid ! Everyone has the right to be stupid, I am stupid lots of times but I am not sure if I abuse it. Hence, I've come to the conclusion that most such cases particularly those of an abusive nature are feigned. Ever hear about - "Noble Cause Corruption"? I would personally like to suppress all evidences of feigned stupidity to help the Fathead and therefore myself !
If I think about it further, I guess all of us do have a sorting mechanism. As objective individuals ,we try to be above board and reserve our judgment most times and give folks a fair chance. That said, we do try and use our discretion for associating with some people more than we would with certain others. Then there is the consideration of intellectual and other shared interests, laws of attractions and then some.
This method or madness call it what you will, may appear as a twisted attempt to form inaccurate and perhaps even unwarranted judgments of otherwise perfectly normal people. Those in question have had their chance to speak, emote, answer and opine several times and continue to do so. They've not failed. My algorithm & I chose to apprehend them whilst I demonstrated my apprehension**, elementary, my dear Watson !
PS: To the powers that be, please hire me to sort out your crowd problems, so I can hang up my boots now ?
**Inspired by the recent Sherlock Holmes film & Downey Jr's. take on it.
