By a strange twist of fate...perhaps "good luck" I found my match in the Doc. Luckily for us, the few days of struggle to convince my folks to accept our decision to be married was easy; and we guess it was easier since we both happened to belong to the same Hindu Brahmin (GAWD!) background !! To give due credit, my folks really had practical concerns but that is a thing of the past...and boy am I glad !!
Marriage, as I gradually realized has its own trappings and external symbolisms when it comes to facing certain types in the family. The mangalsootra is quite literally "the knot" thats tied around the bride's neck in most Hindu weddings. Its the symbol of being a married woman, who then struts around with it proudly until the day she dies. Except, what happens is that this already heavy gold string keeps getting heavier with the years as gold coins, beads, corals & other knick-knacks in the name of some faith/numerology/tradition/astrology/blah...keep getting added on; all this is apart from the safety pins & keys that are hung on it for convenience!! Bottom line the neck-thingy is precious(some rocket science that...it is gold!!), symbolises goodwill, is something holy and is the suhaag ki nishaani**.
WARNING FRET HERE:[Wonder why something like this never imposed on men folk around. They could straddle themselves with some fat gold chain with representations of their wives/some holiness/family in some form or other and put it out on public display for the world to know. So much for that wannabe feminist crap !!]
Anyway, the simple fact is I hate wearing too much jewelry more so anything around the neck except for the rare silver trinket that I have a passion for and the problem starts here.
Scene of crime 1: Nani's house ( she lives a few kilometers away from my own place). Enter grand-daughter with a wide necked tee and a very visible neck with an invisible mangalsootra. For nani "married woman = bindi + mangalsootra".
Nani's effusive welcome and happy face turns into varied hues of anger and disappointment and she strikes the final blow in those short 30 seconds "Where's your mangalsootra ?" So all I could do initially is look sheepish. This sheepishness progressed to irritation, anger and finally its settled. Some scheming & cheating worked for this one. This little strand of gold now has found its place in the cozy nooks of my handbag. Its sees the light of day and feels the warmth of my skin only when nani is around and when I wear a wide necked top. Most days I settle for a closed neck tee and anyway cheat on her because the sly little thing can never be spotted!
Scene of crime 2 : Visits to the mother-in-law ( about 4 or 5 times a year for a couple of days!!)
My M-I-L is a lady of strong tradition. She is a very religious and devout lady.But with all that she is one of the sweetest individuals I have come across in a long long time and I genuinely adore her. Then again, as with my dear old nani there are some things that I can never get away with. For nani its just the neck thingy, for m-i-l its the mega equation "married woman = bangles+bindi+toe-ring+neck thingy" !! The folks who know me will realize what trauma I have to go through. Well to my chagrin...I have given up trying to counter it and actually spend the few days with the in-laws quite happily and gracefully(talk about an adarsh bahu).Poor Doc he understands but he's also been at the receiving end of all my annoyance. So there I am strutting my stuff for 10 days a year for the eyes-of-you-know-who to see.
Grand Finale
**Suhaag ki nishaani: Suhaag literally means good fortune. Here it means the symbolism of being married which is the "ultimate good fortune"(only in case of women anyway...grrrr....)
PS: The Doc is kind to me. He says I have a "good, caring" heart (lashes aflutter) and I care and love my folks hence this (mis)step!! Thanks Doc...I am plain happy to know that we know we're married to one another :)
Marriage, as I gradually realized has its own trappings and external symbolisms when it comes to facing certain types in the family. The mangalsootra is quite literally "the knot" thats tied around the bride's neck in most Hindu weddings. Its the symbol of being a married woman, who then struts around with it proudly until the day she dies. Except, what happens is that this already heavy gold string keeps getting heavier with the years as gold coins, beads, corals & other knick-knacks in the name of some faith/numerology/tradition/astrology/blah...keep getting added on; all this is apart from the safety pins & keys that are hung on it for convenience!! Bottom line the neck-thingy is precious(some rocket science that...it is gold!!), symbolises goodwill, is something holy and is the suhaag ki nishaani**.
WARNING FRET HERE:[Wonder why something like this never imposed on men folk around. They could straddle themselves with some fat gold chain with representations of their wives/some holiness/family in some form or other and put it out on public display for the world to know. So much for that wannabe feminist crap !!]
Anyway, the simple fact is I hate wearing too much jewelry more so anything around the neck except for the rare silver trinket that I have a passion for and the problem starts here.
Scene of crime 1: Nani's house ( she lives a few kilometers away from my own place). Enter grand-daughter with a wide necked tee and a very visible neck with an invisible mangalsootra. For nani "married woman = bindi + mangalsootra".
Nani's effusive welcome and happy face turns into varied hues of anger and disappointment and she strikes the final blow in those short 30 seconds "Where's your mangalsootra ?" So all I could do initially is look sheepish. This sheepishness progressed to irritation, anger and finally its settled. Some scheming & cheating worked for this one. This little strand of gold now has found its place in the cozy nooks of my handbag. Its sees the light of day and feels the warmth of my skin only when nani is around and when I wear a wide necked top. Most days I settle for a closed neck tee and anyway cheat on her because the sly little thing can never be spotted!
Scene of crime 2 : Visits to the mother-in-law ( about 4 or 5 times a year for a couple of days!!)
My M-I-L is a lady of strong tradition. She is a very religious and devout lady.But with all that she is one of the sweetest individuals I have come across in a long long time and I genuinely adore her. Then again, as with my dear old nani there are some things that I can never get away with. For nani its just the neck thingy, for m-i-l its the mega equation "married woman = bangles+bindi+toe-ring+neck thingy" !! The folks who know me will realize what trauma I have to go through. Well to my chagrin...I have given up trying to counter it and actually spend the few days with the in-laws quite happily and gracefully(talk about an adarsh bahu).Poor Doc he understands but he's also been at the receiving end of all my annoyance. So there I am strutting my stuff for 10 days a year for the eyes-of-you-know-who to see.
Grand Finale
- Doc & me arrive at our destination
- Rush for handbag
- Scramble through usual mess (usually empty contents onto back seat)
- Shove toe-rings into the toes
- Shove bangles on one hand (thank you Dearest Watch on the other)
- Position mirror, painstakingly remove sticker bindi, place on forehead
- Rush into elevator
- Arrive at the door while getting the noose(the mangalsootra) around neck
- Ring doorbell
- Walk in with the grace of...well lets leave that unsaid
**Suhaag ki nishaani: Suhaag literally means good fortune. Here it means the symbolism of being married which is the "ultimate good fortune"(only in case of women anyway...grrrr....)
PS: The Doc is kind to me. He says I have a "good, caring" heart (lashes aflutter) and I care and love my folks hence this (mis)step!! Thanks Doc...I am plain happy to know that we know we're married to one another :)
3 comments:
Replace the "neck thingy" with the "sindoor thingy" and this could be my story. I just dab a dark shade of lipstick on my forhead everytime I am visiting older relatives who care about such things.Its my no mess, no fuss alternative to the real stuff.
Anyesha: Thanks for dropping by...am I glad that this ones off my list and noone has emphasized/stressed upon the importance of "sindoor":)...yet!
makes me remember the iconic Hrishi da's movie 'Golmaal' when much harried Laxman Prasaad Dashrath Prasad Sharma (Amol Palekar)becomes Raam Prasaad Dashrath Prasad Sharma for his boss. When the acting mother (Deena Paathak) asks how did you get a Sindoor 'tilak' on your forehead so fast he quipped back
'Ye mandir ka sindoor nahi hai balki hothon ka sindoor hai'
and pops up a lipstick
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