..currently plagues my mind. It conflicts with my tendency to dwell on practicality, logic and better sense. It is unnerving and almost unnatural yet so familiar, that I am about to or have to let go of something yet another time; something so close to my heart, something permanent, something that I took for granted. A sense of security and well-being snatched away from me. Then I grapple for words, for objects to give it more definition.]
an·chor
1. any of various devices dropped by a chain, cable, or rope to the bottom of a body of water for preventing or restricting the motion of a vessel or other floating object, typically having broad, hook like arms that bury themselves in the bottom to provide a firm hold.
5.a person or thing that can be relied on for support, stability, or security; mainstay: Hope was his only anchor.
There are only a handful of things I wanted to be permanent. Parents & their home were almost always on the top of the list as someone to fall back on and a place to go to. And however near or far I maybe, as the years progress, I've attached a sort of permanence to them.
I want a home to go to when I wish for it. A home that I made doesn't qualify the same way as the home that I sometimes wish to run to and has my parents, my pet, my books, my toys, my music, my pictures, all the familiar sights, sounds & smells that I can feel & touch even when I am not there ! Each precious moment that my parents have carefully preserved in photos, in every object that reminds them of us & reminds us of our growing up years all untouched and kept in the same places; the familiarity, associations, memories feel like they're being snatched away. Their decision to move is well planned & in the works for a while & yet I feel this void that can never be filled.
I know I can always travel & visit friends there but, it won't come as naturally as the feeling of "Yesss...I am going home!". I know there will never again be a countdown of the days left to get home, never again the strange sadness that sets in when you know you are leaving in a few days, the happiness of ringing the doorbell & seeing smiling & welcoming faces, the eagerness of squeezing in everything you love to eat & do in a few days and so much more.
I will gain, my parents will live next door. But, I feel a stronger sense of loss over a significant part of my life and time being lost, a 2nd time over! The home we set up, grew up in, a home so alive is suddenly going away never to be seen again!
I train myself to think the reverse - "They are coming home, finally !" And, I start counting down...for my loss or my gain ? Okay stop..be positive, be happy.
an·chor
1. any of various devices dropped by a chain, cable, or rope to the bottom of a body of water for preventing or restricting the motion of a vessel or other floating object, typically having broad, hook like arms that bury themselves in the bottom to provide a firm hold.
5.a person or thing that can be relied on for support, stability, or security; mainstay: Hope was his only anchor.
There are only a handful of things I wanted to be permanent. Parents & their home were almost always on the top of the list as someone to fall back on and a place to go to. And however near or far I maybe, as the years progress, I've attached a sort of permanence to them.
I want a home to go to when I wish for it. A home that I made doesn't qualify the same way as the home that I sometimes wish to run to and has my parents, my pet, my books, my toys, my music, my pictures, all the familiar sights, sounds & smells that I can feel & touch even when I am not there ! Each precious moment that my parents have carefully preserved in photos, in every object that reminds them of us & reminds us of our growing up years all untouched and kept in the same places; the familiarity, associations, memories feel like they're being snatched away. Their decision to move is well planned & in the works for a while & yet I feel this void that can never be filled.
I know I can always travel & visit friends there but, it won't come as naturally as the feeling of "Yesss...I am going home!". I know there will never again be a countdown of the days left to get home, never again the strange sadness that sets in when you know you are leaving in a few days, the happiness of ringing the doorbell & seeing smiling & welcoming faces, the eagerness of squeezing in everything you love to eat & do in a few days and so much more.
I will gain, my parents will live next door. But, I feel a stronger sense of loss over a significant part of my life and time being lost, a 2nd time over! The home we set up, grew up in, a home so alive is suddenly going away never to be seen again!
I train myself to think the reverse - "They are coming home, finally !" And, I start counting down...for my loss or my gain ? Okay stop..be positive, be happy.